Ivanka Trump Gave Donald a Lap Dance, Former Apprentice Staffer Claims

Earlier today, we reported that Ivanka Trump is planning to flee D.C. the moment Joe Biden is sworn in as president.

Her reasons for doing so seem obvious, of course.

Her father and her brother-in-law have made a lot of enemies in the town over the course of the past four years.

Of course, the political discord of that period of time has distracted from the more gossip-y and nauseating aspects of the Trumps’ personal lives.

But now that the Donald is essentially a neutered lame duck with limited abilities to continue ruining the country, we can get back to focusing on the grossness of his relationships.

Today, we’ll be focusing on what is perhaps the most vomit-inducing aspect of Trump’s private life — his weird fixation  with his eldest daughter, Ivanka.

Now, being obsessed with one’s own offspring might not sound like such a terrible thing, but we’re not talking about traditional father-daughter love here.

No, we’re talking about whatever the hell goes on between a daughter and a father who says things like “if she weren’t my daughter, I would probably be dating her” (yes, that’s an actual Trump quote).

We’ve known for quite some time that the relationship between Donald and Ivanka is downright bizarre and possibly criminal.

But a new allegation has led us to believe that the whole situation might be even grosser than we realized.

It comes to us from Noel Casler, a former staffer on The Apprentice, the infamous reality game show that revitalized public interest in the life and career of Donald Trump in the early 2000s.

Referring to the religious beliefs that Ivanka seems to only follow when it’s politically convenient (or when she needs an excuse to go off the grid on a Friday evening), Casler had this to say:

“The way Vanky tries to hide behind her orthodoxy disgusts me almost as much as the time I saw her give her father a lap dance,” he tweeted.

“FYI, she giggles as she grinds,” Casler concluded, presumably seconds before losing his lunch over the horrors he’s witnessed.

Not surprisingly, the tweet gained a good deal of traction very quickly.

“That is really disturbing and believable from the pictures of them together and the way he talks about her,” one commenter replied.

“He is clearly not normal and is a sadistic sociopath, so why wouldn’t he abuse/objectify her as a child.”

“Noel this may be the worst tweet I’ve ever read on this site,” another responded.

Normally, that sort of comment is a gross exaggeration.

After all, Twitter produces millions obnoxious, disgusting, and generally deplorable tweets every day.

But this one might actually be high on the list of tweets that make you want to gouge your eyes out so that you’ll never have to see another one.

Look, we’re all looking forward to the prospect of Trump no longer baing president, especially now that all 50 states and D.C. have confirmed their election results, and we know with absolute certainty that Donald lost.

But it’s important to remember that the political death of President Trump might be accompanied by the social media rebirth of Incestuous Predator Trump.

We’re so used to having a revolting president that we forget that DJT has the potential to be even more repulsive as a private citizen.

2021 might be a very dark time, indeed.

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