After just a year of marriage, my husband has asked me to try swinging
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER just a year of marriage, my husband has asked me to try swinging.
I am 28 and he is 31. I’ve always known he has a higher sex drive than me, so I try to give him sex every day so he is happy.
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But I recently discovered that he watches a lot of porn and now he says he wants us to try swinging.
I feel a mixture of devastation, disgust and shame. I had just the one sexual partner before my husband. To me, sex is something special you only do with someone you love.
Why am I not enough for him? Why would he want me to have sex with other men?
DEIDRE SAYS: I doubt he is thinking this through in a connected way. Men are more visually stimulated than women and he is imagining this as a visual scenario, like a porn video, rather than focusing on what your feelings are likely to be.
Don’t be pressured into doing anything sexual that you are not fully comfortable with – and swinging these days brings the risk of Covid too.
Stand firm and say there is no way you will consider swinging, but encourage your husband to enjoy slower sex with you more focused on feelings.
My e-leaflet on Sex-Play Therapy explains more.
If he opens up to feeling greater passion and vulnerability, he will find watching porn and pushing boundaries are no substitute for true intimacy.
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