How I Do It: 'I'm a sexologist – this is a week in my sex life'
For this week’s How I Do It – in which we get a sneak peek into a week in the sex life of a new person with each instalment – we hear from sexologist, self-touch expert and women’s sexual educator Caroline D’Arcy.
Caroline, 38, is a sexologist at EKHO Wellbeing and the founder of Inti-Mate, which offers sexual self-touch education to women with a view to helping them reconnect with their bodies and libidos, and use ‘sexual energy’ – her ‘favourite thing in the world’ – to their advantage.
She’s happy with how she feels able to harness sexual energy for her own ‘personal development’, and with the fact that she feels ‘turned on every day’.
However, the pandemic, while first meaning she could enjoy loads of time enjoying the honeymoon period living with her partner, began to take a toll around the third lockdown, and Caroline felt ‘very detached’ from her body.
Curious how she’s been getting on these days? Here’s a week in her sex life in her own words…
Date night! I have been so excited to try one of my partner’s favourite restaurants and get dressed up. I made sure I wore heels and had good underwear on – these little signals act as foreplay.
By the time we get home we are ready to tear each other’s clothes off, but I get in my head about something I should have done in work – it happens to the best of us. He notices I’m not quite there and stops and helps me get things sorted out.
We both know that if either of us are feeling stressed, it blocks our connection, so we do what we can to unwind first. This time it’s a full body massage that leads to playtime.
He’s out with the boys, I am booked into an online sexual shamanic journey.
This is like other shamanic journeys, but instead of using plant medicine like cacao or ayahuasca, we use sexual energy.
I am excited and nervous because sexual energy is a huge catalyst for change, and this is deep transformational work – like a year’s worth of therapy in one night.
I am tired as we didn’t finish the session until 2am, yet my body is completely on fire.
I spend the day resting, with a couple of work calls, then a SXBMB class (a form of sex energy practice) in the form of guided group Zoom clit touching.
My body feels totally open and charged, and we make the most of it.
My partner’s back in the office today, and I’d noticed that my own self touch had been very practice based, meaning I have been purposely raising sexual energy, so my system stays hot. This leads me to I feel deeply connect to my body and am able to dive into my creative work.
Today I made it pure pleasure with my favourite toy, the Lelo Smart Wand.
I flit my attention between fantasy and the sensations in my own body. I use breath and movement to push the energy around my body. This is way more I’m way more satisfied than when I rush to an orgasm.
I’m away with friends tomorrow night, so my partner and I have been texting each during the day. We wanted to make the most of tonight, but not everything went to plan.
I went to a yoga class and got chatting to my friend, completely forgetting I have the key (we’re moving, so the estate agent has my partner’s key). This meant he was locked out of the flat, hungry and cold. Not exactly a turn on.
As soon as we got back, we got the dinner on and jumped into the bedroom. It wasn’t a ‘perfect’ experience – both of us tired, hungry and the oven timer was on.
We could have easily not bothered, but the quickie helped me feel connected and de-stressed.
I’m staying at a hotel with a girlfriend, but swing by Coco de Mer and pick up a treat for my partner – a super sexy massage candle.
Scent and lighting has such an impact on me. In my programs I call it ‘setting the scene’ – creating the right kind of energy and environment is its own foreplay.
I love time with the girls, and I love when I miss my partner. It creates the level of tension that was near impossible to create in lockdown, and it turns me on.
I make sure he knows this via text.
I get home, and I’m tired and a tad bitchy, refusing to admit I’m a bit hungover.
In reality, I’m annoyed with myself because I was ready to jump on my partner last night, and now I just want to sleep. Fortunately, he sees through the BS, we talk it out, and he pulls me to the bedroom.
When he listens to me, my body relaxes and I feel how much he wants me. It helps me get out of my head and really drop into my body.
Sexual connection in a long term relationship doesn’t just happen. When I cultivate my own energy as a priority, our connection flows.
How I Do It
In Metro.co.uk’s How I Do It you get a sneak peek into a week of a person’s sex and love life – from vanilla love-making to fetishes, threesomes and polyamorous relationships, they reveal it all.
Fancy taking part yourself? Email [email protected] for more information.
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