I can't pick between bisexual lover and dull straight guy – what should I do?
DEAR DEIDRE: I AM torn between two men – one is bisexual and the other straight.
For the past few months I have been seeing them both.
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I’m a 23-year-old woman and would love to find someone who wants to be with me, with no complications.
But every man I fall for seems to come with loads of baggage.
The bisexual guy is 25, cool, good-looking and funny.
I have such a laugh with him and he’s always complimenting me and giving me silly gifts.
The fact he’s bi doesn’t bother me. The problem is, he’s now sleeping with almost all his male friends as well as me.
I said I didn’t mind at first, and was happy to date others too. But now it’s getting me down. He doesn’t like using condoms with me, although I mostly insist, so I imagine he’s not being careful with his other lovers either.
When I say I want to be exclusive, he says he’s too young to be tied down. But if I suggest breaking up, he gets upset and says he couldn’t live without me.
He’s been depressed in the past, so I’m worried he might do something stupid.
He comes from quite a strict, religious family and sometimes I think he is using me as a cover, just to keep his parents happy.
I’m confused. Does he want a casual relationship or something more serious but is scared to tell me?
The other guy I’m dating is straight in every sense of the word. He’s respectable, kind, nice but a bit dull.
He’s 28, wants me to be his proper girlfriend and has even talked about moving in together.
Part of me likes that idea. The other part wants to run a mile.
I think about the bisexual guy when I’m in bed with the straight guy. What should I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: Do not let your bisexual lover emotionally blackmail you into staying. It may be – as you suspect – that he’s actually gay and just using you so his family thinks he is straight.
If he has problems, you can encourage him to get help to deal with them.
But ultimately you can’t put your life on hold for someone who won’t address their issues.
My support pack on Addictive Love could be helpful.
It’s worrying that he is potentially putting your health at risk by sleeping with you and others without using condoms. He could give you an STI or even HIV.
Please go to a sexual health clinic and get screened. You can visit your local Brook centre (brook.org.uk) for under-25s.
You don’t have to pick one of these men if they’re not right for you and don’t make you happy. You can choose to be with neither.
You’re 23 and you don’t need to be tied down. This is the time to be going out, having fun safely, meeting new people and to enjoy being single.
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