I feel like a failure because I lose my erection trying to have sex with my wife

DEAR DEIDRE: I LOSE my erection every time I try to have sex with my wife.

It is making me so stressed. I feel like a failure because I can’t satisfy her.

I sometimes think I should allow her to have sex with someone else because I am so useless.

My wife hasn’t said anything about it, but I know she is getting frustrated.

I am 45 and my wife is 39. We have been together for five years and have a good relationship apart from this one thing.

I suffer with diabetes, but it is controlled with medication.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Erection problems are common in men with diabetes, but good sex doesn’t have to be all about intercourse – and often isn’t for women.

Men tend to feel much more sensitive about performance failures than women, but suggesting your wife seeks sex elsewhere will cause you both more problems. That is not a solution.

You will be able to find support at Diabetes UK (diabetes.org.uk, 0345 123 2399) and reading my support pack on Solving Erection Problems will help.

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