I thought isolating with my girlfriend would improve sex – it made it worse

DEAR DEIDRE:  I CHOSE to move in with my girlfriend for lockdown, hoping it would bring us closer. But it has had the opposite effect.

I am 29 and she’s 30. Our sex life was almost non-existent before the pandemic struck, because she was suffering from anxiety. So I thought she would find my presence a comfort.


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Before I moved in, she would make the effort to kiss me every day when we were together. But now she shows me no affection whatsoever and we have no real sex life.

If she’s feeling turned on, she just wants me to do oral sex and pleasure her.
When she’s done she then just wants to go to sleep and I don’t get anything at all in return.

It’s got to the point where I’m not allowed to touch her unless she says. Otherwise she turns moody and starts shouting.

I’ve given up everything for her during this stressful time and am now starting to regret it.

DEIDRE SAYS: It is often tricky to get the signalling right between a couple when one feels sexy and wants contact but for the other person it does not feel right.

Many women hate being touched out of the blue – it can feel like an assault.

Tell your girlfriend you want to respect her feelings and wait to be invited.  But she needs to consider your feelings, too.      

Sex cannot be just a one-way transaction. If she won’t even try, best accept this relationship is not going to make you happy.

NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE My lover wants me to suck his toes in bed and do things I find unbearable

READ DEIDRE'S CLASSIC PHOTO CASEBOOK Harriet's teen gives up on uni as she loses motivation in lockdown

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