My girlfriend and I are trying for a baby but I have fallen in love with work colleague
DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend and I are trying for a baby but there are two problems – I have a low sperm count and I’ve fallen in love with a married colleague.
My girlfriend and I are both 35 and we’ve been having fertility investigations, which discovered I’m the one with the problem.
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We are now going through IVF.
I felt low and confided in this colleague. She’s 39 and went through fertility issues too though she has a little girl now.
We grew close and said we loved one another, though we never did more than kiss.
Last month we agreed we should just be friends. I don’t want to break up her marriage, especially since she has a child, but I do have feelings for her.
But is it fair to stay with my girlfriend if I’m robbing her of the chance of motherhood?
I worry I’m only here because it’s safe and I don’t want to be alone.
We’ve been together since school and it feels scary to think of being without her, especially as I would bring my fertility problem to any new relationship. Who would want me?
DEIDRE SAYS: Maybe you fell for your colleague just because of your fertility problems. She provided comfort and escapism.
You may be on a long waiting list for IVF but, if it is going to happen soon, tell your girlfriend you’d best postpone things while you check in with one another.
Fertility treatment can feel like a treadmill that, once on, you cannot get off.
A baby is far from guaranteed but you need to both be sure a child – and your relationship – are what you wholeheartedly want.
You can find understanding support through Fertility Network UK (0121 323 5025, fertilitynetworkuk.org).
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